The Complete Guide to Dealing with Difficult Managers

Working with a difficult boss or manager can be a very stressful experience. You may like what you do and feel excited about it, but hate going to work just so that you don't have to deal with your boss.

There are different types of toxic managers. I personally had to deal with quite a number of them during my 25 years of professional career. I had to learn the hard way how to adapt to some of the unpleasant traits and behaviors of toxic managers. Some advice in this guide is based on my personal experience while others I had to research and dig out.

Because there are different kinds of tough managers, I am going to categorize them by type and then I am going to recommend the best way to deal with each one.

• 1) The Micromanager

  

  Kicking off our list with the most infamous "Micromanager". Micromanagers always feel the need to control everything to the smallest details. They fear failure and rather avoid criticism at any cost. They have little faith in others' abilities and trust no one.

  1. Patience is key: When compared with other types on this list, micromanagers might be the easiest to deal with. In theory, you can gain their trust over time by providing high-quality work that appeals to their vision and liking. It may take some time to learn their style of doing things but eventually you will be able to consistently deliver work that you know they will approve.
  2. Ask Questions: Ask as many questions as you can. Get clarity on the expected results so that you can deliver accurately from the first attempt. Over time, you will need fewer questions and your results will appeal even better.
  3. Communication is key: Additionally, send timely updates and elevate the need for them to check on you. Communication is key to maintain a healthy relationship with a micromanager.
  4. Utilize tools: Another thing you can do is the use of collaboration and project management tools. This will reduce hovering over your head and will shift all governance interactions into those tools.
  5. The "Choose One" trick: A trick that I found to be always successful is the "Multiple Options" trick. When I wanted my manager to decide on something my way, I would not ask an open-ended question, instead I would give them options to choose from. The favorable option would be always the last in the list. Also, I made sure that the other options are presented less favorably.

• 2) The Unappreciative

  

  Always criticizes your work, nothing is ever good enough for them, doesn't appreciate your work or never says "Good Job". Working with this kind of manager can be frustrating and demoralizing.

  1. Don't overreact: Some managers are just result-oriented and care only for work that has clear and major impact. They choose to spare their gratitude to only the most deserving moments. It is not the end of the world if your boss doesn't show gratitude every single time. You are doing the job for the company and for your own self-worth, just keep that in mind.
  2. Find other sources of validation: Your manager is not your only source of validation. Other stakeholders will notice your hard work and efforts and you will get the gratitude that you deserve from them.
  3. Ask for feedback: If your manager is not the kind that gives comments, you can instigate the conversation yourself. Simply ask them whether they like it or not. If they find your work not up to their standards, ask them what exactly they don't like and how you can improve.
  4. Showcase your effort: Sometimes your manager might not exactly know how much effort or time went into a particular task. If you explain to them what exactly you had to do, especially if the task is complex, they might appreciate and acknowledge the work.

• 3) The Overloader

  

  This type of manager continuously overloads you with tasks and duties beyond your capacity, which makes you always stressed and affects your quality of work.

  1. Clarify The Workload: In many cases, your manager may not be aware of your workload. They keep throwing things at you not knowing what you've got on hand. Communicate with your boss and just explain to them that you already have too many things on your plate.
  2. Put Deadlines: Accept new tasks happily just put deadlines for every new assignment in a way that does not add extra pressure on you.
  3. Prioritize: If too many things are on your plate, ask your manager to prioritize things. This way you don't have to work on everything at the same time.

• 4) The Time Invader

  

  This one always asks you to stay after office hours, gives you last-minute tasks just before the end of your duty, or expects you to work on weekends. They don't respect your personal time and have very elastic boundaries of work hours. It is perfectly fine if once in a while your manager asks you to finish something off working hours, it only becomes a problem when it is repetitive and chronic.

  1. Deal with it early: The most important thing to remember here is to address this situation as soon as possible. The longer you let it go, the harder it becomes to combat. The more you give in, the more they'll expect it.
  2. Set Clear Boundaries: Be proactive and polite. You can simply phrase it like "I usually disconnect after 5PM to recharge, but I'll be available first thing in the morning".
  3. Disconnect On Weekends: Don't reply to emails or correspondences after work hours. Set the expectations early on when you are available. Another trick that you can employ is having two contact numbers, one personal and another for work. Simply switch off your work phone on weekends. Don't share your personal number with your manager.
  4. Negotiate Urgency: Instead of refusing to accept the work, you can simply ask them whether this is urgent and why it has to be done right now. They may be able to justify the urgency a few times, but not always. A simple "Why can't we do this first thing in the morning" will do the trick.
  5. Need Energy: Tell your manager that your energy is depleted and that you need time to rest. They should be smart enough to pick up on your refusal to work in your personal time.

• 5) The Task Dumper

  

  The "Task Dumper" asks you to do things that are part of their role and job description. Normally, when your manager delegates some of their work to you, it is a sign that they trust you and love your work, which is a good thing because it means that you have the skills and knowledge for the next level, but when this behavior becomes repetitive and chronic it becomes abusive and self-serving.

  Growth or Exploitation: The first thing you have to know is whether this is an opportunity for growth or are you being taken advantage of? Unless it is pure exploitation, you should be happy about the situation and make the best out of it: you are being prepared for the next stage in your career. This will help you build your skills and visibility.

• 6) The Blamer

  

  Always blames others when things go wrong, never takes responsibility, ready to throw you and the whole team under the bus at any moment.

  1. Document Everything: For this type of manager, it is advisable that you document every instruction, every assigned task, and every approved decision. That is the only way that you can protect yourself. Gather as much evidence as you can because you are going to need it when the blaming game begins.
  2. Build a Front: You don't want to be the only one fighting back. Be united with your teammates and have a unified alliance. It is going to be much harder for a manager to fight back against a team.
  3. Be Proactive: If your boss is incompetent and prone to committing mistakes, you may find it suitable to intervene and prevent disasters yourself before they happen. Just make sure that you do it in a way that doesn't cause a clash with them.
  4. Ask For Clarity: Ask them to explain to you exactly what they want. You have to consider the fact that it is possibly a communication issue. Some people are just not good at explaining themselves.

• 7) The Aggressive

  

  Always angry, yells all the time, uncourteous and uses aggression or intimidation unnecessarily to get things done. Taking it to HR or higher authority should be your last option. There are choices to consider before escalation.

  1. Don’t Take It Personally: Their anger usually reflects their own stress, insecurity, or lack of control, not your worth. Stay calm and don’t try to match their tone or energy. Avoid confrontation. On the contrary, maintaining your composure is the best way to say: "I don't care for your attitude and it doesn't affect me".
  2. Avoid Trigger Zones: Learn their patterns: time of day, topics, or stressors that set them off. Plan your interactions at times when you know that they are calm.
  3. Use a Buffer When Needed: If possible, bring a colleague into meetings or loop in others via email to protect yourself and create a witness presence.
  4. Report if Abusive: If aggression crosses into verbal abuse, threats, or bullying, document it and report to HR or a higher authority. Workplace abuse should never be normalized.

• 8) The Incompetent

  

  They lack the skills or knowledge to lead effectively. Has no clue about the intricacies of the department. Has zero leadership and management skills, often causing confusion, poor decisions, or team frustration.

  1. Manage Up (Subtly): Help them succeed without making them feel threatened. Example: “Here’s a draft of how we might approach this—let me know if you’d like to tweak anything.”
  2. Take Initiative Carefully: When leadership is weak, you may need to step up and lead from below but do it in a way that doesn’t make them look bad. Example: “Would you like me to coordinate this part so you can focus on the big picture?”
  3. Speak Up Tactfully (If Needed): If their incompetence seriously affects outcomes, try offering support instead of criticism: “I’ve noticed the process here is a bit unclear. Would it help if I drafted a structure we can work from?”

• 9) The Inconsistent

  

  Frequently changes their expectations, priorities, or decisions without clear explanation. This unpredictable behavior can leave you feeling confused and frustrated. It often disrupts workflow and increases stress within the team.

  1. Seek Clarification: Politely ask for confirmation on goals, timelines, or expectations in writing. Send updates regularly to avoid surprises.
  2. Invest in Planning: Inconsistency is usually a result of poor planning and limited oversight. Suggest to your manager to spend a little more time on planning things. Prepare a list of all possible outcomes and scenarios and hand it over to them. Open their eyes to all the possibilities that they fail to see on their own.
  3. Explain the Damage: Try to explain to your manager the side effects of switching plans. Highlight the wasted time and efforts. If unrealistic shifts affect quality or deadlines, explain the impact calmly and assert your limits. If that doesn't change the current outcome, at least it will create awareness for the next project.
  4. Stay Adaptable: Be mentally prepared for sudden changes and focus on flexibility. Embrace and master the art of repurposing and reuse, that is to always create assets, ideas, or components that can be reused again. This way, no effort is ever wasted.
  5. Document Changes: Keep a record of key decisions and shifts to protect yourself and provide reference points just in case you need to in the future.

• 10) The Credit Stealer

  

  Takes personal credit for the team’s ideas, work, or successes. This behavior can be deeply demotivating, as it undermines your individual contribution and creates a culture of distrust. The good thing about this is that your boss likes your work so much to the extent that they are willing to announce it as theirs. This means that they perceive you as a valuable resource.

  1. Keep Records: Document your contributions, including emails, drafts, and meeting notes that show your input. Sign documents and make sure you are mentioned whenever applicable and possible.
  2. Speak Up in the Moment: When appropriate, gently mention your role during meetings, discussions, and presentations. Your manager can't say or do much if you just state the facts and be honest about it.
  3. Build Visibility: Share your work directly with others when possible, such as through status updates or cross-functional meetings. Make your contributions visible to the people in power and those who need to know.
  4. Talk Privately: If the behavior persists, have a respectful, one-on-one conversation to express how it affects your motivation. As stated earlier, you should be confident at this point because your boss appreciates your work even if they never admit it.

General Considerations

1. Don’t Retaliate — It Can Backfire: Never resort to anger or sarcasm. It may feel justified but rarely ends well for anyone. Your boss has more influence and getting heads first in confrontation is not the best idea.
2. Don’t Try to Do Their Job: Even if you’re more competent, trying to take over their responsibilities or openly highlighting their shortcomings can make things worse. It can come off as insubordination or make them feel threatened. Your job is to support, not replace.
3. Use "We" Instead of “I”: Phrases like "We accomplished..." or “What should we do about..." induce an atmosphere of collaboration and common fate.
4. Ask for Their Help (Appeal to Ego): Phrases like "Can I get your opinion on this?" or "What would you recommend here?" play to your manager's ego and make them feel secure and valued.
5. Flatter — Especially in Front of Others: Complimenting your boss for their leadership or decision-making can soften the relationship and boost trust. Managers like to feel that they are superior no matter how hard they try to deny it.
6. Be Proactive: By being proactive, you assure your boss that you have everything under control and that you are capable of independence. This is especially important in case of micromanagement.
7. Frame Suggestions as Questions: If you have suggestions or ideas, frame them in the form of a question. For example, "What do you think if we did this or that?"